accidently or purposefully, I don’t know. One moment we’re sitting at a table, the four of us, me and my friend were explaining to him and possibly another girl (I don’t quite remember the fourth person, obviously they weren’t important) about how it is in America. The stress we put ourselves through we went back and forth like a tennis game:
- too fat
- have to dress nice
- have to look good
- have to be perfect
You know, the normal things that all girls say in some capacity. He didn’t say anything at first, just shook his head. But this girl and I went into details I had never told ANYBODY before. Then when we were on the bus back he opened up told me: I was pretty and perfect the way I was, shouldn’t have to change for anybody.
And then I/we fucked the whole thing up, one drunken evening led to a not so great judgement. And then poof the whole friendship went into awkward territory, then awkward territory leads to not talking territory, and then there is attempt to be friends again territory, and then finally we hit I just completely fucked up and ruined her self-confidence again territory, and then the lovely final battle of lets just fuck everything up for each other that ends in not speaking for a while.
The worst thing is I rarely open up about my self-confidence problems.
And the first time I opened up about it my feelings got taken advantage of, and yet people keep telling me forget it, let it go…the sad thing I can’t even explain why it frustrates me so much because to do that I have to open up again and that obviously turned out so great the first time around.